Infidelity and unfaithfulness: statistics, reasons, types

Cheating are quite common, as many studies have shown. Here is the data from one of them: 76% of men have at least one extramarital relationship during their marriage. This is 21% for women (26% in Moscow). According to another study, 60.7% of husbands are unfaithful to their wives, and 41% are unfaithful to their husbands.

- 65% of husbands and 68% of wives believe that intra-family factors are the main causes of adultery. But the first step to treason, I think, is fantasy and dreaming. It turned out that 15.9% of men and 25.5% of women fantasize about the violation of marriage bonds almost every day, and occasionally - 65.4% and 55.9% respectively. It turns out that about 80% of the spouses actively change each other in their fantasies, during dreams.

- So why are Gimenay's ties broken?

- In my research, I have limited myself to the main, main motives for marital fidelity violations. The first among them is the extinction of the feeling, its replacement by the new one. For this reason, 7.2% of husbands and 19.9% of wives change (here and beyond, the percentage of the total number of couples who change, rather than of all couples). Explanation of the preponderance in the direction of the beautiful sex, I think, can be found in the world of feelings, emotional assessments, which are still more typical for women.

The man can change purely carnal, as if mechanically. As a rule, a woman's path to infidelity lies through her husband's spiritual rejection, she is attracted to another person. But the following motive - the desire to experience something new - is more typical of men: 34.8%, but also of the beautiful sex in this category, a lot - 19.1%.

- Although we said that the main reason for the change is the internal family relations, but perhaps the behavior of friends and acquaintances also affects?

- No, research shows that the lifestyle of others and friends has little effect on morality. For this reason, 0.6% of husbands and 1.5% of wives change. But there is another important factor here: the lifestyle of parents. It has a strong influence on the relationship between spouses. If both parents have changed, the probability that their son or daughter will not be faithful either is up to 80%. If only the mother was unfaithful, it also has a significant impact on the son and daughter. If the father cheated, then only the son is more likely to take the path of infidelity. Interestingly, the daughter is almost unaffected by the stereotype of fatherly behavior.

Changes in the wife's betrayal take revenge on 1.1% of husbands and 10.3% of wives. The difference, apparently, can be explained by the fact that the woman still knows more about her husband, and is more secretive herself.

We often meet with human aggression, verbal and physical... Aggression, rudeness give rise to alienation, double morality, the desire to find compensation. Rude attitude of the partner was mentioned by 6% of husbands and 9% of wives as the reason of treason. In conflict situations, not only words such as "fool", "moron", "bastard", "cattle" are used, but very often husbands cover their wives' wives with a mother (16%), and husbands' wives (4%). Horrible, but a third of the spouses swear in front of their children. Sometimes the matter is not limited to words.

Sexual dissatisfaction in marriage is the motive for treason for 8.8% of husbands and 12.5% of wives. Boredom is often a constant companion to sex when it comes to marriage that is over 5 years old. These figures, I think, characterize the changes in morality, the role of sex. In the past, a woman was squeezed by class and religious attitudes. Once upon a time in Russia, a woman could even be subjected to epitimony

- a temporary ban on sexual activity if she was found out that she was active in bed with her husband. Since then, of course, our morals have changed. Prolonged absence of a partner (business trip, departure for the resort of one of the spouses, illness) leads to treason 11.6% of husbands and 9.6% of wives.

- Among other motives of treason, which do not require special comments, I would like to mention an attempt to check one's sexual abilities and make sure one's own attractiveness (10% of husbands and 6% of wives). Treason under the influence of "random" circumstances: alcohol, partying in the company - 12% of men, 5% of women.

- At the place of work. It is there that 28.7% of husbands and 31.3% of wives find themselves mistresses. But often on vacation: 20.7% of men and 34% of women. And in business trips - only 9.8% of men and 2.6% of women. There are not many adventures in the area of residence: 4% of husbands have neighbors and 10% have neighborly wives.

- Studies have shown that 55% of men have married women as mistresses. In 71% of women, the lover is a married man. Only 10.3% of unfaithful spouses cheat with blanks. By the way, it turned out that during the lifetime of a legal marriage one mistress had 18.8% of husbands and one lover 44% of wives. That is, in fact, about half of the women have changed their faithful with only one person.

Double standard

In a number of studies, views on extra-marital relationships have been clarified in relation to persons of his or her own and opposite sex.

It has been found that men have more "permissive" attitudes towards themselves than men have towards women, i.e. men have shown themselves to be supporters of traditional double morality, double standard, "permissive" behaviour for men and "prohibitive" behaviour for women.

Women adhered to a more "equal" morality, making almost identical demands on both themselves and men. Women were also somewhat more conservative about extramarital affairs, "banning" them for both sexes to a greater extent than men. This shows that, to a certain extent, the modern woman still retains the position of "keeper of the home".

Both groups have a very high proportion of people who could not answer the question, i.e. who were unable or unwilling to express their views or who did not have a certain point of view on this matter. This indicates a lack of formation of such ideas in the public consciousness.

The double standard of the medieval treatment of adultery was manifested in the invention of the "faithfulness belt". According to legend, they were worn on their ladies' hearts by knights, going on a hike.

Now many scientists claim that no "belts of loyalty" did not exist at all and they were invented only as an illustration to the manners reigning in the "dark time". Maybe they came up with it. But they are sold as souvenirs in many tourist centers, such as Prague.

Changing family ideology

The results of the studies showed that no more than one quarter to one third of the respondents took a "prohibitive" position in relation to extramarital affairs. The majority either allow for their possibility or treat them with uncertainty. Thus, 60-70% of married people do not support traditional family ideology. This is explained by the changing role of marriage in human life, the development of marital autonomy.

The study of actual extramarital behavior has shown that in most cases, people who express an opinion about the admissibility of extramarital affairs, adhere to this position in behavior. However, there is no complete coincidence: about one in five of those who have extramarital affairs, in principle, condemns them, and vice versa, among those who condemn them, they actually have them.

Odyssey's adventures

Remember how it was? Odysseus rushed around the world, was kind to the wizards, visited exotic countries, and his wife Penelope sat in the palace on Ithaca Island and bicked with a crowd of red tape. It is officially claimed that she remained loyal to her husband. No one was allowed to go to bed. Then why did Odysseus kill everyone when he returned? The unofficial version of the legend seems more true. It says that Penelope was not so insensitive to her fans. She even invited some of them into the bedroom.

Surprisingly, Odysseus did not punish his wife. She had broken at least two stereotypes of married love.

Stereotype 1

Wife's loyalty is a guardian of her husband's dignity. There is no inverse relationship. A husband who has an adventure on the side, is perceived as a "good cat". Deceived wife gets only sympathy. However, if she changes it, she is called the destroyer of the hearth, and his - cuckold.

The deceived wife wants to get acquainted with her rival, to compare herself with her, to understand "what he found in her. Deceived husband, on the contrary, does everything not to be face to face with his wife's lover.

A good wife must take this into account. She can feel tired from years of living together. She may want "minutes of oblivion". However, if she doesn't want to destroy her marriage, she should think about how her husband will react to the news of her betrayal.

Stereotype 2

The man is the owner, i.e. the owner of the chosen woman. And this contributes to his self-affirmation.

Husbands' motives for cheating

What are the motivations behind having an extramarital relationship? Let's turn to the data of the sociological survey. Men most often explain this by sexual need. Mostly, this need, which is not connected with any emotional and spiritual aspects of communication, is satisfied with casual, unfamiliar partners (such relations were about a third of all extramarital contacts) or in short-term, fleeting relationships with old acquaintances, co-workers, wives of friends, etc. (quarter of all connections).

Same origin and sexual relations caused by temporary absence of wife - departure for business trip, vacation, etc. The departure of the wife was considered by some interviewees to be a sufficient reason to look for a temporary replacement.

Alcohol intoxication, especially its mild degree, increases sexual attraction and weakens internal prohibitions. This condition was considered by many men to be a direct cause of extramarital sex. It is more correct to regard it as contributing to this circumstance.

On the third place (in descending degree of importance) is love for another woman. This fact was pointed out by every tenth man with such connections. Without insisting on any accuracy of numbers, we can still assert that the role of love as a motive for extramarital affairs is insignificant.

Curiosity is not only characteristic of young people who have sex for the first time: it drives every tenth man who has extramarital sex.

In a number of cases, men enter into extramarital relations during quarrels with their wives, bitterly, out of a desire for revenge and self-affirmation.

Some of the respondents were, they said, a victim of women's persistence. But the largest group (more than a third) was still those who did not answer the question, i.e., could not or did not want to analyze what motivated them to have extramarital affairs.

Of course, it is natural to think that dissatisfaction with the relationship in marriage should stimulate extramarital activity. For men, this motive turned out to be not too important: it was indicated only by 10% of those who had extramarital affairs. The same was confirmed by the data on their behavior: among those who had extramarital affairs, more than half were quite satisfied with the relationship in marriage.

Those who had had extramarital relationships but were not satisfied with their marriage were the main reasons for this dissatisfaction, including lack of mutual feeling and inexperience of the wife as a sexual partner.

The motives of wives infidelity

Women's responses were quite distinct from those of men. In the foreground here was something that for men was purely secondary: dissatisfaction in marriage. The significance of this motive for women is confirmed by other data: among women who had extramarital relations, only one third of those satisfied with marriage and two thirds of those dissatisfied.
This is consistent with the much greater importance of love for an extramarital partner as a motive for extramarital sex: a woman not satisfied in marriage is looking for serious affection in an extramarital relationship.

However, extramarital relationships significantly complicate the possibility of resolving problems in marriage and often lead to its disintegration. Is this risk justified? How satisfied are men and women with extramarital relationships compared to marriage?

The answer to this question is obtained in the study. Despite the wider range of caresses, orgasm in extramarital relationships women achieved less than in marriage. This is quite due to the higher degree of adaptation of the spouses to each other. Overall satisfaction with extramarital relationships was lower than in marriage, especially in men. Maybe the blue bird of happiness really lives in our own house?

How do infidel husbands differ from infidel wives

According to M. Hunt, the majority of unfaithful husbands consider their marriage to be quite successful, while the majority of unfaithful wives consider it unhappy. These figures have also been corroborated by other psychologists.

Most men are looking for a sexual adventure in adultery: they want a fresh feeling, a new body (usually younger) - anything that will turn their blood back on.

Most women look for feelings and friendships in adultery: they tend to become emotionally rather than physically attached at first. Of the women who have lovers in the service, 81% put the friendship and trust of the lover in the first place, and only in second place was sex.

Married men usually have many extramarital affairs, but only for sex.

Women take longer than men to commit adultery.

As a rule, a woman cannot change only her body and therefore cannot understand the behavior of a man. He doesn't believe that he really doesn't remember the name of the girl he slept with last month after drinking a bottle of wine. He remembers the brand of wine he drank, but whether it was Tanya, Masha or Olya," he doesn't remember. The woman remembers the name of her lover even after fifteen years. It is a fundamental difference in the approach to physical intimacy.

Relationship to family

Does the wrong wife want to marry her lover? Various studies have shown that only 13 to 35% of them would have done it if such an opportunity presented itself. More than half of women would definitely not exchange a husband for a lover.

The commitment of husbands to an existing marriage is even stronger.

As we see, both husbands and wives are mostly willing to leave everything as it is at home and have ties to the side. Despite a significant difference: a man in treason gives paramount importance to sex, and a woman - to emotions.

Who's being cheated on

Incorrect wives are very different from unfaithful husbands, in particular because most men who change try to give preference to single women.

Studies have shown that the vast majority of infidel wives change only with married men. One of the reasons for this is that a married man is safer, calmer and will not threaten the existence of her current family.

And another difference: a woman looks after a man for a very long time before becoming his mistress. The man is more determined.

Why husbands cheat

There are several reasons for that.
1. The wife does not fulfill her duties (bad sex, lack of attention, uniformity).
2. Revenge (for humiliation, for treason).
3. Self-assertion: men's self-esteem is fussy about the number of sexual victories.
4. More acute sensations, a variety of impressions.
5. Long separation from his wife, frequent business trips.
6. Women's initiative: the men's code of honor does not allow to insult a lady by refusing to do so, and the lady herself - to sign the "inability".
7. To be sure of their sexual abilities (especially when the wife does not excite desires or reproaches them for "weakness").
8. As an affirmation of his independence, freedom.

Evolution of views

Almost all women start with the idea that they will remain faithful to their husbands. Various surveys and studies show that fidelity to the bride and groom remains an unquestionable ideal.
Women in marriage are disappointed that the husband does not provide emotional support, does not give his wife any time or attention, does not express love, does not help in domestic affairs.
Women's infidelity is a flight from unsuitable marital relationships. It's like she's looking for support. One very good American psychoanalyst said that women outside of marriage are not looking for sex, but emotional support, but for this emotional support they have to pay for their bodies. Because which of the men will provide emotional support to the woman without putting her to bed, or at least without getting the hope for it?

The reasons for the unfaithfulness of the wives
- dissatisfaction with marriage;
- Revenge for his husband for his treason;
- a way to feel loved again;
- feel valued, increase self-esteem;
- To prolong the feeling of youth, to "light up" oneself;
- to feel his power over the man;
- to experience strong feelings;
- satisfy sexual hunger, if any;
- to dispel boredom;
- satisfy curiosity;
- to change the old husband to a new one;
- career.
- considers infidelity to be justified;
- her mother cheated on her husband;
- There is an acquaintance who cheats on her husband;
- loves her husband less than he loves her;
- She is actually the head of the family;
- had a rich sexual experience before marriage;
- is more educated than her husband;
- is at a critical age or in a state of failure;
- experiences the sudden death of a parent;
- in frequent separation from her husband;
- dreams of a love affair;
- has an old male friend;
- wants independence.

Requirements for a lover
A lover must:
- to make her feel not only desirable, but loved as well;
- to be the opposite of her husband;
- Ability to make compliments;
- Always listen with attention and sympathy;
- approve of a woman and inspire her;
- to be persistent and courageous.

Lovers are more active in bed, so they are more likely to awaken passion in a partner.
In a marriage of romance relationship is no longer, but in a relationship with a lover - is.
Illegal communication is accompanied by fears of being exposed. Studies have found that the state of anxiety increases sexuality in a person: the greatest sexual arousal appears after passing a certain threshold of anxiety. Therefore, sex lover gives more pleasure and for this reason.

In addition, breaking the law of decency, a person feels free from other moral prohibitions, in particular, becomes more relaxed and in sex, which is very important for full satisfaction.

The family has sex when all the cases have been reworked. The woman is prevented from getting maximum pleasure from sex fatigue from these cases, and the man - the monotony, because his wife is no longer able to "fantasize".

Infidelity and love

A woman has a more serious relationship in extramarital affairs than a man. Romances of wives usually last longer than novels of husbands.
For unfaithful husbands, sex and love are usually different things. Many argue this way: mistress - for sex, love or friendship - for his wife.
As a rule, it is difficult for a woman to separate the feeling from sex. They often and excruciatingly think about their relationship, worrying about it a lot more than men.
Girls practically do not recognize sex without love. As they get older, they already think they could have slept with a nice guy without involving the feeling.
As communication develops, men become happier and women become unhappy.

Guilt feeling.

Studies show that unfaithful wives are more burdened with guilt. Husbands, on the other hand, feel that they deserve a little sex on the side: they are sure that the need for this is inherent in the male nature itself (by the way, recently there have been a number of publications justifying this thesis from a biological point of view, which will be discussed below). Therefore, they are less concerned about the need to lie and hide.
In addition, they have more confidence in themselves and have the moral support of other men. The woman has to hide it from everyone.

Male and female sexuality

The difference between male and female sexuality is programmed by nature to ensure the continuation of the genus. Men can easily and morally engage in sexual intercourse with many women without being attached to any of them, because such behaviour ensures the fertilization of many women and high rates of reproduction.

But the fertilized woman could not have sexual intercourse because of the birth of a child. And in order to protect herself and her child from the man, she had to hold on to the man, i.e. depend on him.
Thus, the masculinity ensures the species' variability, and the femininity - the constancy and continuity.

What gives lovers

There are many signs that allow us to detect treason.
1) Habits have changed: began to linger after work or leave for any reason.
2. Became distracted at home (this is more of a difference between unfaithful wives).
3. The family became more diligent and preventative (this is more typical for changing husbands).
4. Lip marks on a man's clothes or fresh makeup on a woman.
5. Sexual habits have changed (from reduced activity to more ingenuity).
6. Sudden increase in interest in clothing: trendy ties, fresh shirt, ironed husband's suits, beautiful new dresses and especially elegant wife's underwear.
7. Conversations often include references to the same person of the opposite sex.
8. Attempts to provoke cooling, quarrel (the latter serve as an excuse for treason and avoid sexual contact with the spouse).
9. Going to work, dressed, combed, dressed more carefully than usual.
10. Changes in children's behavior: they subtly feel the slightest change in the parent's behavior and often react to it earlier than the other parent.
11. detected "traces of crime" (letters, notes, photos and forgotten details, contraceptives, etc.).
12. clean sheets appear on the bed more often (if the date took place in the apartment of the unfaithful wife, she, of course, changes the sheets).
13. Message from a comrade (girlfriend) who found out about the fall of your "half".
14. Caught at the wrong time, seen in the wrong place.

Reaction to a cheating

Husbands are generally more sensitive to cheating than wives, although both are not jealous.
Wives are psychologically more prepared for the possibility of cheating on their husbands. In public opinion, infidelity is perceived more as a man's prank.
The woman is also more ready to forgive treason, if the husband parted with her mistress, for practical reasons: children need a father, not to stay alone, the financial situation of the family. Forgiveness is easier for a woman if her husband manages to convince her that he did not have any feelings for the seductress.

A man is usually less suspicious and more careless than a woman. And that's why the shock of knowing his wife's affair is much stronger. And society supports this, traditionally considering infidelity to be a great sin. The "cuckolders" are the object of ridicule and anecdotes. On a subconscious level, most husbands treat their wives as property, so it is particularly painful to have the feeling that someone is "managing" their possessions.

Men tend to be the first in their dealings with women. They are especially afraid that the opponent may be more skilled in bed. Perhaps that's why they are particularly sensitive to the treason of Donjuana's wife.
It has been noted that sexual jealousy is the main reason for rage and violence on the part of her husband. Some husbands try to "settle" with the opponent. Odysseus, for example, has killed all opponents. But most of the time, the anger falls on the wife.

In rage, feeling humiliated, he would do anything. Including the divorce. And even on suicide: 25% of all suicides are committed by spouses, lovers because of treason.
Should we confess?

Therefore, psychologists recommend: if there is no conclusive evidence, the culprit, in the moment of repentance or under pressure, in any case can not confess his sin - nothing but additional suffering, cheated side it will not bring.

Trackers for hire

It turns out you can do good business on cheating. Insulted by the obvious (or imaginary) betrayal of his girlfriend, the man is ready to lay out any money for the opportunity to slap her at the "crime scene". Therefore, he goes to a private detective agency and asks to "give the wrong warmth".

The collection of dirt lasts from a few days to several months. This process depends on the "object of hunting"'s secretarial abilities and the amount of information provided by the client.
The cost of private detective services - from $3 per hour of work.

Applications are accepted for finding the missing wife (spouse). The fact is that the Constitution prohibits interference in the privacy of citizens. And instead of "please collect the dirt on his wife" write "please find". It is so easy to get around the law.

Most often, people after forty years of age turn to detective agencies. Men are usually looking for mistresses, and women - husbands.

Factors contributing to change

Researcher Guy Willings of the London Institute of Hygiene studied these factors. This is what he writes in his report: "We have carefully studied the propensity of different people to cheat, as well as the lack of such a propensity. We then compared these statistics with other data. Did the parents' family break up, where and by whom the respondent works, how old they were, how old they were, what kind of education they received, where they live, etc. As a result, it turned out that no other social and even psychological parameters build such a clear dependence on the propensity for adultery as the degree of education.
This is partly explained by the fact that educated people occupy a higher place in society, they are usually richer and, consequently, have power and material freedom. They also work in a more private environment. All this creates favorable conditions for establishing extramarital relations.

The link between adultery and education concerns men to a much greater extent than women. But in general, of course, educated people have a broader view of life, and this also affects their family way of life. In addition, people with higher education have experience of student years. This is a very important stage in life.

Willings himself believes that universities have nothing to do with this. People with higher education have more choice, they are used to winning, they rule the society and set the rules of social behavior. They feel the right to break these rules.

"The demon in the rib."

There is a period in the life of men, somewhere between forty and fifty years old, when the most loyal husbands suddenly do stupid things, fall in love with young people and sometimes create a new family, and sometimes just make fun of themselves ("gray beard - a demon in the rib") - it is associated with age-related psychophysiological changes in the body.
A smart wife sometimes just pretends not to know about her husband's secret life, reasoning: she will get mad, and everything will still be.

The other - for compensation - is a self-entertainment on the side. But the husband usually does not forgive this if he finds out. Here again affects the double standard: a man can, a woman can not.
There is another difference. A woman cannot love two men at the same time. A man can, but with different love. One - calmly and gently as a wife, mother of her children, the mistress of the house, a native person. Another - passionately, as they love the mistress, the main role here is played by sex. According to this, Muslims, where it is possible to have several wives, are usually established "division": the older wife (counselor), beloved (for sexual comfort), etc.

Paradoxically, when a husband has a mistress, his attitude towards his wife usually does not deteriorate, but improves, and this situation can last for years until one of the women rebels.
But there are types of men who cannot exist without a constant change of experience. And if a woman has married one of them, hoping that he will get better in marriage, it is her miscalculation.

The "middle of life" phenomenon

Men aged 40 and over are judged by some and admired by others for their zeal. What is the mysterious age of the "middle of life"?
By the age of 40, men come from a certain physiological, psychological and economic base. They have considerable experience of communicating with the beautiful sex. As a rule, they are able to do a lot of intimate things, and this allows them to be confident in themselves and interesting for others.

Career aspirations have been realized, material well-being has been achieved, children have become independent, what else should they strive for and what to wish for? Something that brought pleasure to life: good sex and good food.

And if a man's sex in marriage was the first in the scale of values, he remains the main desire in life, as well as the desire to enjoy life, its qualities.

What prevents gray Donjuans from loving their own wife? The wife herself.

This is what psychotherapist Nikolai Kibrik, head of the Sexopathology Center at the Moscow Research Institute of Psychiatry of the Ministry of Health of the Russian Federation, says. Women over fifty (and some even before) believe that it is much more decent to be engaged in grandchildren and cook pies than to watch the appearance and maintain their own sexuality in the eyes of their husbands at the proper level. And it would be more logical to live the interests of her husband in the first place, and the economic interests - in the second. And to stay on all points a woman at any age.

Our women of retirement age are very different from Western European old ladies. "Western women allow themselves to love themselves and openly talk not only about how "it is important to give themselves to their homeland and people", but also about their sexual desires and desires to enjoy life.
Domestic grandmothers, sitting on the benches near the entrances, are busy condemning everyone and everything, although the true thoughts, perhaps, are similar to those of Western Europe.

Household troubles, fatigue - the main enemy of love. Taking the strength and energy of an unwilling woman, they really do not leave a desire for physical love. Ladies refuse to be close to their husbands using different pretexts. Often in the course of manipulation, the purpose of which comes down to the idea that a man should deserve this intimacy. But the dog on the hay (neither to itself, nor to people) a woman at this age can not stay long. A man runs to a place where he can realize his dreams and desires. Because he is short of time: he has lived longer than he has left.

Knowing these simple truths, it is foolish to continue to lose love. After all, you need it at 30, 50, and 80 years old.

Infidelity in men's nature

The latest genetic studies have revealed the underlying causes of infidelity for both husbands and wives. It's all about the biological laws of nature, by virtue of which all living beings behave in such a way as to provide the best conditions for the reproduction of the genus: to have the maximum number of offspring in the world with as many different features as possible. This is how every species insures itself against extinction.

An anonymous questionnaire showed that no less than 57% of men undoubtedly agree to a sexual proposal made by a more or less attractive woman. The male instinct of nature works. The rest are mainly held back by fear of consequences or impotence. As they say: "When a man feels bad, he looks for a woman, and when he feels good, he looks for another one.
Therefore, psychologists recommend women to treat accidental changes of the husband philosophically: against nature is not trampled.

That's a legend, of course. But its lesson is useful to remember: the transformation of Cinderella into a princess must be instantaneous and prepared in advance. Therefore, when you learn about your husband's passion, walk in your old robe and lead hidden attacks on the calmness of your opponent. And you appoint a visit to the hairdresser, beautician, buy a new outfit and read books about sexology. When the soil is ready, turn from a doll into a butterfly! And it is better to time it to receive guests or visit. When acquaintances will tell you compliments, the husband will be able to pay attention to you. It's always a shame to lose what others love so much...

- Yes, and perhaps that's why many women, fighting for their husbands, try to cause jealousy, rush into lyrical adventures or create their appearance. How do you rate the effectiveness of this step?
- Jealousy is a strong weapon, but it is important not to overdo it. In the eyes of a man, cheating on his wife is a crime a hundred times more than his own. I know the case when one deceived wife, wishing to make her husband jealous, deliberately fabricated evidence of his infidelity. Husband came in such rage that first he almost killed the companion, and then filed for divorce. And prove that everything was set up out of love for his wife, the poor woman could not.

No, for the treatment of family dramas I would prescribe jealousy with homeopathic doses. The main thing is to create a slight doubt, not to give a firm confidence. Well, for example, in the midst of a struggle with a rival, I would advise wives to agree with a friend so that he would call you from time to time in the evenings, but you yourself should talk to the owner of the male voice calmly, with dignity, but making it clear that the interlocutor you like. Husband will surely pay attention to these calls, and you can even pretend that they are unpleasant to you ... Such tricks - thousands, I am sure that every woman could reveal a lot of their own.

Infidelity in a woman's nature?

Numerous studies in recent years have shown that wives also cheat on their husbands at the request of nature. I. Morjaretto, a well-known psychotherapist and candidate of medical sciences Alexander Poletayev, tells AiF correspondent why this happens.

About 10 years ago, amazing facts began to appear, which were not explained. In some developed countries, mass blood tests began to be carried out, and by the way, it turned out that 11% of all children born in wedlock, their legal father could not be their biological father! And then sexologists thought: how often should we change, what frequent and prolonged sexual relations should we have on the side to become pregnant, while maintaining, as a rule, a normal sexual life with her husband or a regular partner?

The first hypothesis was as follows: women lie during questionnaire surveys and change much more than 26%. But the hypothesis did not work, and additional studies showed that, indeed, only one in four women cheated on her husband during her lifetime.

- Okay, but why is it that the percentage of "illegal" children is so high?
- The fact is that the traditional point of view on conception of a child was as follows: it is easier if the partner is permanent. And most gynecologists in the world treat infertility and diagnose this condition in a woman only if she has two years of life behind her with a regular partner. But recent research has revealed an amazing thing: a woman's chances of getting pregnant by a casual partner as a result of an extra-marital relationship, even a single one, are much higher than that of a regular partner!

- And how has this been established?
- In recent years, they have been doing research on sexual life through video monitoring. Married or loving couples agree to install a video camera in their apartments. Of course, the films are not shown in cinemas, but they are systematized, analyzed, etc. So, it turned out that married sex becomes more intense in those periods when a woman can not get pregnant! More than half of married sex falls on the second week after ovulation and the days immediately after her period, when she can not become a mother.

But more surprisingly, more than 50% of all cases of female infidelity occur during the ovulation period, which takes 5-6 days per month.

These are the days when more than 50% of all women's treason takes place. Moreover, women usually live with their husbands on these days. So, about every fifteenth child is not only a "stranger", he is also conceived in a situation where the uterus of a woman is sperm of two men. Women arrange (of course, unconsciously) a kind of "sperm war" in their vagina.

- And how does this war go? Who has the best chance of winning?
- The war is hard. And the lover has a better chance of winning. There are several reasons here. The main thing - men unconsciously adapt the composition of their own sperm to the sexual situation. For example, in regular sexual life, a woman receives an average of 300 million sperm from a man at a time. If he suspects his wife of infidelity, their number increases by about 100 million, that is, he is biologically protected.
If the wife is constantly at home, sick, the number of sperm cells in the man is reduced to 150 million! And all this is done completely unconsciously. But the lover has a different situation. The new partner gets up to 600 million sperm! Thus, in terms of quantitative indicators, it is superior to the opponent - a regular partner.

In addition, the distribution of sperm by type in the lover is different from that of her husband, and this also provides some advantage. In the sperm of any man - 1% of the sperm, which are able to fertilize the egg (they are called - "fertilizing"). These are young, energetic, "athletically stacked" sperm cells. The bulk of men's sperm is spermatozoa - the "murderer". They are about 85%. They have a bigger head than fertilizing sperm, and it contains poisonous substances. Under the electron microscope you can see how these "murderers" approach other people's sperm, touch them with the head, release a portion of poison, and then the "affected" sperm dies. One "killer" can kill from 1 to 10 spermatozoa depending on its activity. And there is a third type - sperm-blockers. Strictly speaking, these are old sperm cells. They do not penetrate into the uterine cavity or the fallopian tubes at all, but are arranged in the cervix of the uterus. It is still unknown why they have a strange property: to let one person's sperm pass and not to let another person pass. So, in the sperm of the lover is usually the percentage of "killers" higher. Therefore, when a woman's uterus is two streams - lover and husband, the sperm of the lover is greater and it is more active. So, the chances of winning are higher.

Imagine that on Wednesday you had regular sex with your wife, and on Thursday or Friday she changed you. Despite all your regular sex, despite the fact that you live with your wife 8 times a month, and the lover slept with her only once, he has a better chance.

- In short, the legal spouse before the arrival of a good man has no chance. Biology does not give a damn about morality...
- Naturally, nature does not care about aesthetics, morals or ethics when the selection process is in progress. It is very important that the largest number of children have the most biologically adapted, most biologically perfect individuals.
This provides us with the opportunity to survive as a species! And if a husband has a reduced activity of sperm, even if he regularly lives sexual life, and at the same time he is a wonderful person, a good family man and is well characterized at work - nature does not care about it.

Just as deer fight for a female, so too does sperm fight to find its continuation. By the way, the record-breakers in biological adaptation in this respect are birds. They are the biggest cheaters. The female manages to pair up with random partners practically in front of the male, who, by the way, is not devoid of jealousy. Biologists believe that in 30% of cases, the male breeds other people's chicks. The percentage of monkeys is as high as 15%. People have up to 11%...

- So much for swan loyalty...
- I think women don't really want to have children with other men. Of course, they hope that even if she meets her lover, her uterus always has her husband's sperm (or will be soon). We all know that intimacy with a lover increases a woman's sexual activity. Sexologists believe that by offering sex to her husband the next day or the same day after being close to her lover, the woman is not only disguised, she is still unconsciously arranging a "sperm war" in her vagina. She pushes her forehead against two "armies". From a biological point of view, this is deeply correct.
- And from the moral point of view?
- Here the real behavior is defined by unconscious mental mechanisms, of which we have no idea. And why do they care about our morality?

Two more testimonies.

In our previous interview with some abbreviations, the authors of some very fundamental conclusions are not mentioned. We will fill this gap.

The fact that women most often change their husbands during the ovulation period, when the female egg is fertilized, was established, in particular, by British biologists Baker and Bellis. Biologically, they explained this unconscious desire to make women compete with sperm cells of different men. The victory of the strongest improves the hereditary qualities of the future child.

According to the American scientist Robert Wright, a woman, as a creature designed to be responsible not only for his own life, is in contact with several men in order to, at the very least, be able to convince everyone that he is the father of the child - of course, in the interest of the child.

And the instinct for survival of the species

Our closest relatives on Earth, the primates, end their passionate union when the baby turns 3 years old, after which the males look for other females in the name of gene pool diversity. Human calves become independent much later, but the habits of their forefathers make themselves felt: it is on the 3-4th year after the wedding that the maximum number of divorces is necessary. These figures were obtained in a study conducted in 62 countries.

Studies on laboratory rats have shown that females can smell the nose of males with which they have the same histocompatibility gene, responsible for the shades of smell and immunity, and with which, accordingly, they can get a healthy offspring.

The same is true for humans. In the U.S. conducted an experiment during which women were allowed to smell worn men's t-shirts, and sensitive misses, as well as mice, chose the most attractive smells and accurately guessed the men whose genotype was a perfect addition to their own - the gene analysis confirmed the correct choice. Professor Gennady Simkin, a biologist and smell partner, suggested that the process of recognition should be called "the voice of the genome".

However, there are failures. For example, when women take birth control hormone pills, their "aromatic" preferences are confused.

Walking, gestures and even turning the head are also very important to assess a partner. It is no coincidence that we unconsciously choose partners who emit at least weak "readiness signals". In this way, an innate instinct that recognizes the behavior of a partner who is prone to love is triggered. For example, female monkeys, when they are ready to mate, take an evocative pose, which zoologists call a "stand" - that is, get up on all fours and bend their backs. Women, in fact, have not gone far from their ancestors, luring men sexual gait and graceful poses.

Love, buddy, not a feeling, but a diagnosis.

Finally, if the hormonal system is already ready for love, then when a suitable object appears on the horizon, brain centers instantly give commands and conditionally-reflective mechanism triggers a chemical reaction: a horse's dose of excitatory hormones - neuropeptides and amphetamines consisting of dopamine, phenylethylamine and norepinephrine - gets into the blood. All this chemistry causes more frequent breathing, saliva secretion, redness of the face and light dizziness, which makes it really easy to "lose your head". And with the approaching moment of intimacy in the blood in increasing numbers comes another chemical - oxytocin, on which the continuation of the human race depends without exaggeration. And at the most decisive moment in the blood is released so much adrenaline that the chemical mechanism of love does not differ from the physiological processes of stress and neurosis.

And some components of the "love tube" in its purest form are light drugs - for example, amphetamines, so the phrase "intoxicated with love" can be considered not a poetic comparison, and a medical diagnosis. A lover is literally drawn to the object of longing for passion no less than a junkie is drawn to another dose.

Knowledge is power.

We didn't bring the results of the biologists' research to protect the adultery of the spouses. We have another goal. Knowledge helps us to understand the causes of actions, sometimes spontaneous, unconscious, which we then say: "the demon has confused".
If "it" has happened, then it is necessary to understand the origins, the root causes. As it turned out, it is impossible to ignore nature. It declares itself at the most inopportune moment. Knowledge of the processes taking place in this case, hopefully, will help to cope with situations that lead to undesirable consequences.
Understanding is half forgiveness. However, not everyone is given it. Sometimes there is something more behind the change that makes the process irreversible. But in most cases there is what the great Mahatma Gandhi said: "Forgiveness is a property of the strong, the weak never forgive.