5 types of women's rejection:
how to save self-esteem and become stronger

When a woman rejects you, it's a terrible blow to ego. But you can use this chance to get cooler.

"I'm not in the mood..." "I met someone else..." "I'm just not interested..." You and I are often denied, denied in various ways, and the consequences of such denial are probably familiar to you. Your heart breaks out of your chest, your hands sweat and sleeplessness," says Dr Nathan Devall, a professor of psychology at the University of Kentucky. - Men often compare rejection to kicking a man in the stomach. And all in all, scientists at the University of Michigan have established that rejection of romantic relationships is often equal to physical trauma.

Why is this pain so hard to get rid of? "A man defines his social status according to whether girls like him or not," says Brandi Engler, a psychologist and author of The Men on My Couch. - If not, then you're at the bottom of the pyramid, you're a pariah, and your life doesn't make sense. Self-esteem drops to zero.
Enough bad news? Or not? Let's do one more thing: if the love collapse is grandiose - for example, you were kicked out of the house after a bright and long affair - then the part of your brain that is responsible for all sorts of addictions is marked by a characteristic activity. Simply put, you are suffering from drug withdrawal! Getting off a love needle will not be easy, but you can! Use the following refusal to become stronger, calmer and more confident.

Rejection 1: You met a dream girl on a dating site, and she doesn't want to go out with you

First reaction You don't have to give up right away. Send her a message like "I still think we should meet at least once. Do you often find someone who has so much in common with you? All the guys are whining "you're so attractive, I like you so much", and I want you to emphasize that it's you who's right for her and that your relationship has a future.

Strategy for the future Advantages of online dating services ("So many lonely people in one place!") - they are also disadvantages. Such a choice, such a push, everything happens so quickly! For a week you can get ten refusals in a row - and it is clear that the eleventh girl you will appeal to without much enthusiasm and will be unconvinced of courtship. But first of all, don't be a rag, keep looking and trying. In this pile of ore there will be nuggets. And secondly, when studying the questionnaires of applicants, pay attention not to the photos and physical parameters, but to the similarity of interests and coincidence in the biography.

Rejection 2: You wanted to kiss her and got in the eye

Her first reaction is not forever, but now, right now, don't insist or make a scene. It's more dignified to smile ("I'm in a hurry, aren't I?") and talk about something else, though there's only one question in your head: "Why?! "In such cases, it is better to relax and lag behind for a while than to engage in a tedious discussion about who owes what to whom and why not," says Helen Fisher, psychologist and author of Why We Love. But why didn't the kiss happen? Maybe she doesn't like you very much at all. Or maybe she's embarrassed. Or she's set up for a serious relationship and just doesn't want to rush it. Or she has a toothache.

Strategy for the future If the relationship continues, and she agreed to come out again, then the last time she was just not ready to kiss. Make a second attempt, but this time, prepare the ground. Try to establish a non-verbal, intimate relationship between you two during the evening," says Brandi Engler. - Hold out your hand through the table and take her palm to yours. When you pass forward at the exit of the cafe, touch her back. And look how she reacts to it. By the time it's time to say good night at the entrance, you can already understand: you take a kiss off her mouth, or your eye will suffer again.

Rejection 3: After two or three weeks of dating her: "I'm afraid that's all there is no chemistry between us."

First reaction. Are you in shock? "You've probably just missed the early warning signals that it's coming," shrugs Justin Citron, a sexologist at Widener University. Or she met someone else. Or how banal! - She thinks there is "no chemistry" between you. If it is really "chemistry", don't be silent, appeal to her mind. Say: "Look how we like to spend time in each other's company. Why rush? Let's keep going, and there we'll see that it grows out of it," says Engler. - Love at first sight is often in books, and in life at the beginning of a relationship we are more nervous about how we look, what we say and so on. "Chemistry" will appear as soon as you relax and stop twitching.

Find out what she's really good at (don't touch the bed yet!), what she's proud of - and let her shine it off in front of you. For example, if she's a great cook, plan an evening during which you two will be cooking difficult-to-cook (and don't forget the wine!). Or if she's a certified climber, call her to the climbing wall. Showing the class, she will feel confident and calm with you - and maybe at this moment instead of "Well, I don't know..." in her head will flash: "He's just what you need!

Rejection 4: Your girlfriend refused to have sex with you... again.

First reaction. Don't scandal and beg. After a while, try to get in touch with her anyway, but don't use her genitalia yet - a massage may be a good prelude, for example, and there you will see. But the best tactic (at least in the long run) is to say, "No problem, baby. Do you want to watch a movie?" You respect her wishes, and most importantly - you show that you care not so much about this sweaty, squishy sex, as to communicate with her, precious. Disarming move, right?

Strategy for the future Movies are increasingly replacing sex with you? "Apparently, you have what's called a "mismatch of sexual needs," explains Harvard professor of psychology Justin Lemiller. In other words, your libido overtakes her. Well, you'll have to work on awakening her desires, but know this is a long process. Tell her about your fantasies. Or what turns you on in her body. Touch her, hug her, tease her - but don't drag her to bed right after such conversations. Let him accumulate sexual energy and languish - one day this tension will break through.

Rejection 5: You were having an affair, everything was going on for the wedding. And then - bam! - she wanted to stop the relationship.

First reaction Don't pester her, don't terrorize her with talk and moaning, don't humiliate yourself, and don't beg. "It's important to keep your dignity here. Psychotrauma at such moments is so deep that you will subconsciously idealize it and feel your own worthlessness," - assures Engler. Fight the urge to call her or catch her outside the office to stand in front of her on her lap. Wait a couple of weeks for her defense to weaken and you'll be able to think straight.

Strategy for the future Time has passed? Write to her on some minor occasion: oh, you stumbled across a video online that she couldn't find, or asked her to say hello to a friend of yours from Lysychansk. If she reacted in a friendly way, invite her to lunch (not a date!) and share your suffering in a calm way. But if you realize deep down that you're too different and still won't be together for the rest of your life, well, accept the fact that she left you and not you first. Squeeze your teeth, throw away all her things and photos, erase her phone number, do sports - in a month or two it will be easier.